Wednesday, November 04, 2009

university of mind...

// aku tak mengerti, apa yang aku rasa... aku tak mengerti, keluhku... aku tak mengerti, jiwaku... aku tertekan, aku stress dalam dunia kecilku... aku tak tahu untuk berbuat apa... lalu aku lari... mencari hidup aku... lalu aku tepis tepis semua kehendak dengan seribu alasan...


// seperti ingin memaku setiap penjuru kerandaku... biar aku timbus diri aku...


// berbagai terapi dah aku jengah... namun tak kunjung tiba tenang itu... tak menjenguk pula kasih sayang sejagat... dimana perginya jati jati jiwa yang dulu pernah berdentum pekiknya... kadangkala lebih senang untuk aku hanya memejamkan mata, biar di alam fantasi... tanpa cereka... tanpa cela...


// namun dunia... tak tahu erti durjana... tak bisa pula dia bertutur mawar... seperti terseliuh didalam longkang bersiram air nista...

Friday, September 04, 2009

i am a psycho...

// yes i am... i provoke... i am a damn loser... yes i am... i am what u tot n what u have said... i am... thats me... n dun regret bout leaving others for others... its been a year n it felt like rewinding all the time... to day i woke up, i am sorrow... part of my usual life has fade away... its a sorrow... n its raining... won't get my mind fly away, won't get my feet on the ground... need some drugs... that can fly me away... peel of allllll those sorrow...


// its all about our self... everything is about our own... won't get hurt bcoz we want to protect the feelings... its all about our self... never will be about anyone else no matter how loud we scream it...


// i found myself was a terrible horrible n a disaster... i read what i see... n i believe what i see... its all i need to know... i read back, carefully from the past... i am a disaster... n i am going to carry the burden.. no matter how hard it is... i've been badder...


// yes, i always bring trouble... yes... i am a disaster... a psycho... nothing i can do about it, i can just live with it... n i never care... rite never care... coz when u start caring, it will kill u... this sorrow, i'm getting used to it... cannot get rid of it... it will chase me... dun live with me... i am a disaster... how many time that i make everybody feels good?... i make nobody ever feels good...


// i think, i can see where its stop... after that i am no longer around... just dun want to destroy others... everybody knows that i am a trouble... a mistake from god... even my father throw me... i am a disaster... i am... i am... this will not going to change anything n everything...

Wednesday, August 26, 2009



:: long time no see... long time lost... happy ramadhan, selamat pose... nanti raya, raya la sakan sakan... aku takde mende nak tulis sangat, saja gian... kat opis, takde idea nak watpe... tgh buang karan sambil pk ape nak buat, apa nak plan, apa nak beli n apa tindakan nak kene amik... so far aku diam je, berpeluk tubuh... ada time aku nak meletop letop ni kang...


:: lost most of the peoples that read my blog, lost most of the comment on my flickr... dun have camera no more... make me feel terrible, yes i care... but nevermind, i'll do sumthing else...


:: money crisis is back on track... gevernment payment sucks... slow like hell... make me want to burn down the entire systems...


:: what is happening to me... maybe i'm getting old... getting unstable... but i'll deal with it, i'll live with it... i am what i want to be... chow...

Tuesday, August 04, 2009

darkness aproaching

// atas sikap malas dan rilekkk manjang... maka aku telah tenggelam... adeh... apa la nak jadik... banyak nak tulis mulanya... tp... dah takde mood... sbb rasa macam gelap masa depan... banyaknya masaalah skang ni... itu ini... adeh... semak otak... perut lapar lak.. rasa nak terbalikkan meja... rasa nak terajang orang... chow...

Wednesday, June 03, 2009

early june...

:: masaalah jiwa... masaalah emosi... masaalah diri sendiri... masaalah hati...


nak aku sentap cabut jiwa jiwa hati hati
sudah buruk sudah cabuk...
kadang tak perlu dikasihkan
tak butuh belaian
kerna ia menggiurkan
ketagihan...


mahu jadi pejuang
macam bob marley pon jadi la...
perangai rebel, mati pon orang sanjung
walau darah berbau daun mangga..


tak berguna sungguh hidup yang berjiwa jiwa
nak keras macam marmar
rebutan macam batu putih


kompas ini jarumnya bengkok
jadi selalu tersalah simpang
kadang kadang kene kejar anjing
kadang kadang kene tuduh intai anak dara mandi
kadang kadang kene parang...


tujuan aku ke padang luas berjerami dan berpokok rendang
nak ku sandarkan bahu seberat dunia
nak ku dongak tgk awan cyan dan langit magenta...
biar aku pejam mata... gelap...
menari bersama bob marley...
tertawa sama kaka...
lompat lompat dengan iwan falls...


tak perlu jelas rasa pusing pusing hati
tak bakal mengerti
tak bakal pernah diterima
kusut jiwa di hanyut arus longkang
bersama jasad yang sedikit gempal bersama sedikit tetek...


dimamah ikan keli, di gigit udang...
sampai ke lautan...
di sedut sotong... di baham barracuda...
sampai putih laut china selatan
semua tercemar oleh darahku
harumnya semerbak
putihnya damai...
namun tak ditangisi
tinggallah jiwa
kosong...
biarlah digenggam Tuhan...
biar diselamatkan Dia...